Holiday Stress and Survival

My family is not very traditional in the sense of getting together with extended family over the holidays. My husband and I come from families with lots of discord and unhealthy relationships and we have tried to keep our own family separate, in hope of breaking repeated behaviors and cycles of emotional problems. We want our children to grow up to be happy with themselves, content with life and close to God. Actually, we want them to be close to God-- and the rest just comes from there.

Something my husband and I have done since we married is spend Christmas at home. We have spent a few Thanksgivings away at family's homes, but every year we spend Christmas at home. This tradition has become a week long family event, since my husband always gets the week from Christmas Eve to New Year's Day off. We cozy down with the kids and watch movies, play in the snow and just love on each other. It is my favorite week of the year.

But how do you get to that week? When the stores start filling your mailbox with fliers, the grocery store lines get longer, and the money seems to disappear before you even see it. To take a line from one of my favorite movies, Christmas with the Kranks, just "skip it." No, I am not suggesting a complete dumping of the holiday like Tim Allen and Jamie Lee Curtis's characters attempt to do. Just dump the stressful stuff. Get back to simple and enjoyable.

Christmas is supposed to be a time to observe the birth of God's greatest gift to us-- his son Jesus Christ. Why not make your holiday and your home about love, peace and thankfulness?

-Plan purposeful activities with YOUR family-- just the people living in your house-- your spouse and children. Take an evening drive to see the lights, take a walk downtown and sip warm cider, rent your favorite holiday movies and have a movie marathon (eat popcorn and string some while you watch), read the Christmas Story (Matthew 1:18-25; Matthew 2:1-12; Luke 1:26-38; Luke 2:1-20), etc.

-Don't stress yourself out baking. Do as much and what you would enjoy. Just because it is the holidays doesn't mean you have to bake every cookie, pie and candy imaginable. Keep it simple, bake what you love and buy or let the rest go.

If that means buying a kit this year to make the gingerbread house-- buy the kit. Spend the extra time giggling with your children while you make silly marshmallow snowmen for the house's lawn. A great, inexpensive house can be built with graham crackers and frosting (a box can be used to strengthen the frame) and you get to the fun part right away! When I make sugar cookies, I make a huge batch of dough and divide and freeze it. Then I can come back and bake more later without the mess.

-Limit gifts. Gift giving gets way out of hand during Christmas. I know some people who buy for EVERYONE (babysitters, postman, Sunday School teachers, co-workers, etc.) and that can get expensive and in my opinion, it takes away from the true meaning of Christmas.

This year, cut back. Buy some beautiful cards and take sometime to write a personal note to those people who you appreciate. Tell them you are thankful for them. Enclose something small, if you must. ChristianBook.com (CBD) offer beautiful ornaments or bookmarks in different price ranges. Some are flat and could be put into an envelope. Buy the same one for all your extra people and call it good. I bought one of these beautiful baskets (see left) from Family Christian Stores last year and I love it. You could purchase a few (they are under $10) and put in some cookies or a loaf of bread and give it as a gift. We give my grandparents dried fruit and nuts every year and they enjoy them.

Talk to extended family and decide to give only one gift per person, or only get gifts for the children or draw names this year. Go wild and decide to not buy gifts at all. Let everyone keep the money they would have spent to buy the things they need or donate to charity and instead have a meal and sing some carols.

-Cut back the card list. Send cards to only those people who know you that you won't see over the holiday. Postage is expensive, don't send cards to people you don't have to. Send e-cards or e-newsletters. Hallmark Smilebox lets you make free and low cost slideshows with write ins. Send a holiday Smilebox this year and save sometime and some cash. Photo postcards are also a less expensive alternative. The USPS website also sells holiday cards that can be personalized. You can upload your mailing list and they print them, stuff them and mail them for you.

-Make some decorations this year instead of buying them. These 3D snowflakes are gorgeous and relatively easy to make. Small children can make the easier version of fold and cut snowflakes. Get out the craft odds and ends and let the kids create ornaments on their own. One year, when I was around 10, I made a sleigh out of straws and a reindeer out of pipe cleaner. I was so proud of that ornament and it kept me busy for hours. Giving mom and dad plenty of time for all the other things they had going on. Grab a dollar store table cover to grab all glue and glitter and tiny pieces. Fold it up and throw it away-- no more mess.

-Plan a date with your spouse. Write it on the calendar. Get a babysitter, send the kids to Grandma's for a few hours or the night, trade a night with some friends, just find a way to get a few hours alone. Stay home, light some candles, build a fire or download a fireplace screen saver, make some cocoa and enjoy some time together. Often, when things get busy and stressful, we take advantage of our partners. Use this time to refocus on your spouse.

-Plan ahead for your parties and meals over the next month or two. Sit down and make a list of all the engagements you have coming and what you will be responsible for. Find things that overlap, cookies for an office party at your husband's job, dessert at Aunt Ida's, treats for Sunday School? Plan to make one thing that can be used for all the events and bake and freeze. Make extra pies at Thanksgiving that can be frozen and just taken out and baked for Christmas or New Years.

Shop the Thanksgiving grocery sales for Christmas too. You can get some great deals on frozen and nonperishable items before Thanksgiving. Buy a case of wine instead of lots of bottles. Once you know what you will be needing all holiday season, you can plan to buy in bulk to get you through the whole season. Save some cash and shopping time!

-Say "no" to the extras. It is okay to not do it all. I am slowly learning this and it has made my life so much better. It doesn't make you a bad person if you don't help out with an event at church or with scouts or even with extended family. Your responsibility is to God and your family. Put them first, say "no" to everyone else and say "yes" to a less stressed mommy who can enjoy the family time this year. It is also okay to not bake cookies or pies. To opt out of extra crafts. Do what works for your family to make it a peaceful and special time.

-Delegate jobs and meals. If you host for the holidays, have everyone bring something along. Ask them to bring a side dish to dinner, wine for a party, etc. Make someone else in charge of finding and bringing the extra chairs/tables over the day before and setting them up. Most people ask if they can help, this year say "Yes! You can!" Grab the list you made and start delegating! If you just need a break from hosting, invite a sibling to do it this year and offer to bring a side dish and a couple chairs.

-Be realistic. I am terrible at this. I made grand plans and have high expectations and I am almost always disappointed. Decide what you really want to do this year- read the Christmas Story together, put up a tree, cook a turkey, watch the Sound of Music with the husband and kids, mail some Christmas cards. Then decide what you would like to do, but can live without. Prepare to let go of the things on the second list. Especially if they depend on other people.

-Set a budget and stick with it. Sit down with your spouse and come up with a number that you can afford. Truly afford. No credit cards or payment plans. What can you spend in cold, hard cash this year? Stick with it. I will be posting up a holiday budget sheet to my printables. Write down what you spend and keep track of everything. I like to take the amount we have to spend on those outside of our house and divide. Then I get a number per person to spend. Don't forget that things like extra groceries, wrapping paper, gas for travel, and postage have a cost, too. Plan for them.

-Throw out the fliers without looking at them. Fliers come to our house by the truck load. They are coming already-- Wish Books they are called. Temptation Books or Joy Stealers are a better name. Toss them out. They only remind you of what you do not have, make you want more and rob you of contentment. You will be happy with your place settings and holiday plans, until you see the tables set with runners, chargers, china and stemware. Then you will dream of bigger, better things. Newer, trendier things that you don't need and didn't want until the Joy Stealer came. (It is okay to use fliers to find deals on gifts, just becareful while flipping those pages. Deal finding can quickly become "window shopping." Once you are doen shopping, toss them all.)

-Put down the cookie and go outside. Eating poorly and exercising less will make you feel awful. You will not sleep as well and you won't manage things as well. Put the kids on a sled and take them for a walk. Go sledding, cross country skiing or just take a nature hike. If it is just too cold out, go swimming at the local indoor pool (just make sure to pack a hat and/or blow dryer for heading back outdoors). Move your body, get some air and feel better.

-Manage the gifting at your own home. Talk with your spouse about gifts for each other this year. DH and I like to get each other something small and buy a couple small gifts for the kids. Sometimes we will invest in a family gift that we can all enjoy and give the kids one or two things to unwrap. Because we do not spend Christmas with our extended family, we often receive gifts in the mail from them or cards with cash. We put these under the tree for the girls (or buy the gifts "from Grandma"with the money she sent). When they have a few items from Aunts, Uncles and Grandparents, they really don't need as much from us. So we spend the money on activities instead of items.

-Take time to PRAY. I put this last because it is the one I want you to remember. Jesus is the reason for the season. Center your mind and heart on that!

Melissa can be found writing at HopeSprouts Homeschool.